she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
