i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
