I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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