So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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