I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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