So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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