i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
