like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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