The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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