Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
