i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize