I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize