you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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