u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
