U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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