Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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