Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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