JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
