threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
