i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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