He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I want her autograph on my taint
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
