The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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