I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
