I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
