Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
