Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
