I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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