Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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