You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
