Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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