I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
