I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
