it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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