The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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