i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
