There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
