I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
