if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
