I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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