Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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