I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
