dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
