The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
they need to just BURY HIM!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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