I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So much rum. So many feels.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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