I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
