ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
