its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it because I queefed?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
