there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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