I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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