the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize