it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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