Swine flu. Run for my life!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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