My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this hospital has no fireball
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
