Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There are leaves in my underwear?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
