I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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