There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
