Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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