party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
