My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
