I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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