I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
