I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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