he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
