my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
