He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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