i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
