So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
