when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
