I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
