I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
