i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
